When the job becomes bittersweet

Let me preface by sharing how I have all the respect for teachers, educators, and tutors. All of you do an amazing job and service to the students and community that you work in. I commend you for your long hours and the multiple hats that you wear throughout the day. I really do wish teachers were paid more.

That being said, math was the one subject in school that I loathed. Growing up, the numbers never made sense to me and I often felt pressured to figure everything out in my head. My parents can attest to the countless days where I'd try to fight whatever math homework that I was saddled with. Not to mention, I remember breaking out in a cold sweat whenever my name was called. I felt like a coward and a failure for taking more time than my peers to solve any problems and equations. There was also that added pressure of the stupid thing called Model Minority Myth. Looking back, nothing made me happier than peers looking to me for answers because I'm Asian and should be good at this. (Please note that all of that was said with a great amount of sarcasm.) As a result, I vowed to never go into job or major that relied heavily on math. 

So I'm furious to be saddled with another task on top of my already long list at work. Would you like to know what that task is? I'm sure you already have an idea. 

It's be a math tutor to middle schoolers. A fucking math tutor. 

Already, both my past elementary self and present self would like to cry in a corner.